Thursday, March 31, 2011

The Queen Mother of All Words...

Every language has that one "word".  That dirty birdie word that no man, woman or child should ever speak.  Most consist of four letters (at least in the English language) and nine times outta ten, they will get you some kinda glare.  And no, I'm not going to give a list for reference.

As a parent, I've discovered only ONE word that is above and beyond any other that can be spoken...and it's ugly... It's nasty...It's dripping with venom...the word is.....NO.

I swear to you, I've spoken this word more in the last eleven years of my life than I have the other twenty something...ish.

It's not because I want to... (ok, sometimes it is.  I mean c'mon, I've given birth, I have no less than eleven thousand stretch marks, I feel I've earned the right.  Don't look at me that way, deep down inside, I know you agree).  But it's more so out of necessity.

I'd always said that when I became a mommy, I'd NEVER tell my kid no.  I also said I'd never spank, never do time-outs and never EVER throw out anything that was uber important to my kid because she/he didn't clean their room.  Heh...I believe I lied to myself.

I am now, a firm believer in the that nasty little two letter word.  And in all seriousness, not just to be a jerk...No, no...Because I honestly have to say it to keep my child out of harms way. Don't believe me?  Here, let me give you some examples.

"Mom, can I tie my sheets together like a rope and climb out my window?"
"No."

"Mom, can I dye my hair black?"
"No."

"Mom, can I drive? I can reach the pedals now!"
"No...and I'm pretty sure that's illegal."

"Mom, can I have a taser? You know, for safety reasons.  I don't want to get kidnapped."
"No...Here, I've programmed 911 into your cell phone."

"Mom, can I use the lighter fluid for a minute?"
"Uh...No."

"Mom, can I use that razor to shave my legs?"
"No."
"Fine, will you shave my legs?"
"Probably not."

I feel like my usage of the word is legit.  I try not to abuse it. (Unless of course, provoked) I like to think of this as training for her.  So she will be prepared for a lifetime of doors being shut in her face and her not getting upset because of it.  See, my theory is this, by the time she actually enters the corporate world, the word 'No' will have no impact on her whatsoever.  So, I'm actually doing her a HUGE favor, right?  Oh yes...I am.

Thank GOODNESS she has me.  I mean, who else would give her this kind of training....FOR FREE.  I just know, that one day, she will really appreciate this.

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