Monday, February 28, 2011

Ah, The Beauty of Randomess...

Ever notice that sometimes you have the BEST time if you just don't plan to, ummmm, spend time doing anything in particular?  I went to Houston on a whim this weekend. 

Well, I planned it like 3 weeks ago.  Anything planned and executed in less than 30 days qualifies as a whim. 


There was no agenda, no outline, no schedule.  It was just kinda, whatever happens, happens, ya know?  I couldn't have 'planned' it any better.

Since there was no outline prior to the events, I put one together 'post' events.  Honestly, I don't even think I'm doing it justice with words. So we're gonna go with, "You just had to be there."
  1. Random encounters with complete strangers. (Please be smart when attempting this, there can be some real creepers in the world)
    • I can actually say, I have 'friends' (plural) in Houston now.
    • Apparently we either look like models or work at the Rodeo...Uh, right.
    • I'm pretty sure our first cabbie wanted to marry my friend.  <--that was HYSTERICAL
    • It has come to my attention that I will literally talk to ANYONE.
  2. Sitting outside people watching is better than reality T.V.
    • Very large men do swan dives out of taxis
    • Drunk chicks in red dresses have VERY bizarre behavior...
    • Most albino Umpa Loompas, have ridiculously 'short', short term memories, work in sales and are married to women that want to punch them in the face...
  3.  Driving around downtown Houston with no GPS is always a good idea because...
    • Mardis Gras isn't just for NOLA...
    • The 40 story neon cross will follow you EVERYWHERE.
    • Driving down the metro tracks is NOT a good idea.
    • When two BMWs collide, their bumpers will fall off
  4. Art Class is cool...
    • When taught by an awesome Cuban
    • When your first painting isn't as craptastic as you thought it would be
    • When you discover that the people around you are incredibly talented
    • When you look around and see what beauty is through someone else's eyes.
  5. And because the following does not relate to any other category....
    • People actually caravan across country in horse and buggy and the city actually SHUTS DOWN major highways.  Increadible.
If I can give you any advice at all when planning a trip, it'd be....Don't.  Don't plan it, just go.  Randomly point out someplace on the map and just go for it.  You never know who you'll meet or what you'll see.  It may just be the BEST time of your life;)

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Mom Fail #847....

Ok, so I may be one of those people that crack out on their phones....I may be one of those people who obsessively post on facebook and I may be one of those people who's laptop is constantly glued to, well, their lap...maybe.

I promised the fam I'd do better with this. I'm setting 'hard limits' for my techno time.  I was doing sooooo well....until last night.

I was obviously really into whatever I was doing online and totally blew off my kid.  I know, I know, mom fail.  Let me finish the story before you stone me. I completely zoned out and lost track of time.  When I finally realized what I had done, kiddo had gone to bed VERY angry with me and left me this as a reminder of how craptastic of a mother I can be....

1. Let me just say that blogger is being a pain and won't load my picture correctly.
2. Yes, that is Kennedy and her "awesome" dad in a loving embrace.
3. That other thing? Well, that's me, sitting in my chair, with my laptop....and a bulging right eye.  Where did that come from?  Does my eye really look like that?  Yup, I'm completely oblivious to my surroundings.

Anyway, once again, thanks to my epic failness as a parent, I'm in the doghouse.  I will be spending the entire evening with Mrs. Whittles, Barbie, Minnie Mouse and Kennedy as we participate in a lovely tea party.  I really hope there's cookies...or crumpets...

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Because Sometimes, Words Are Not Enough....

I wish I could say I was clever enough to think of this....but I'm not.  I stole it fair and square.  I don't even know who to give the credit to, so....


 I think this accurately depicts how most of us parents are feeling as of late....

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Even the Best Laid Plans....

Ah, Sunday afternoon naps, there really isn't anything better.  At least, not in my book.  I love binge eating then slipping into a carb coma for at least two hours.  Best. Feeling. Ever.

Today was my day.  It had been a few weeks since my last 'sleep all day Sunday' and I was long overdue.  I had a plan:
1. Get up
2. Drink excessive amounts of coffee
3. Go to church
4. Over eat a local buffet
5. Come home
6. Put on stretchy pants
7. Pass out

Simple, yet to the point.  By 2pm, I had made it to step number seven.  I was ecstatic.  I put on my comfy cozy jams, locked my door, turned on my noise maker (thunderstorm setting of course) and crawled into my yummy bed made of flannel and down.  HEAVEN.   

Twenty minutes later.....

I'm in that 'not really awake but not really asleep enough to dream' and I hear....


If I avoid it, it will go away......


I will not kill the only child....ONLY CHILD....I do not have a replacement....

"MOM!!!  Can you open this door??  I have to potty!  Can you use your bathroom?? Mom??? MOM!!" "Mom," *jiggles door knob* "why is the door locked???  Are you in there?"

I'm sorry, nobody is here at the moment, please leave a message at the beep and we'll get back to you just a soon as possible.   BEEEEEEEEEP.

I stumble out of bed and open the door.  "Child, you have your own bathroom, why are you not using it?"

"Because I really had to go! I might not have made it to mine in time!"

"You do realize that in the time you spent banging on my door and screeching at me to let you in, you could have made to your bathroom and back by now, right?"



30 minutes later......

Mmmm, back in dream land.  I refuse to give up on my goal of the day....Sleep.

Why is the bed shaking??  OMG! EARTHQUAKE!  

Oh wait, never mind...It's my husband...shaking my shoulders....I think he's trying to communicate with me.  

"Hey baby, whatcha doin'?"

I'm obviously painting a mural on the wall.  

You know what, no.  I'm not even going to respond with words.  I'm going to respond with a series of dirty looks and eyebrow raises.  He seems to be getting the idea and is backing away slowly.  Well done my friend, well done.

Seriously, not 15 minutes later......

*Loud noises, loud noises loud noises....*

I don't even want to know.  

Hey look, there's a small child standing next to my bed...It's jumping up and down and waving it's arms sporadically....I make eye contact with it...I'm talking, I think?.  I'm not sure I'm actually speaking English.  Maybe speaking in tongues?  I have no idea.  It ran away in fear.  

*Kanye shrugs* I'll pay for an extra year of therapy.

About 2 hours after I set off to take my lovely, Sunday afternoon stroll through dreamland, I finally arrived at my destination.  Dare I ask, is it like this for all mothers?  It took me years to realize that I would never again be able to just do 'what I want, when I want'.  As much as it makes me insane, I could never give it up.  As much as I grumble and complain about it, I could never imagine my life without it.  Besides, if it didn't exist, I'd have nothing to blog about;)

Friday, February 4, 2011

SNOW MORE...Seriously.

I'm DONE with this weather.  It's all fun and games until mama gets snowed in for too many days.  I can't handle this.  Actually, I'm pretty sure between the excessive junk food consumption and the continuous movie marathons, I've gained 12lbs and turned the majority of my brain to mush.  The ability to form complete sentences is getting more and more difficult.  In fact, I actually stopped talking mid conversation today because I couldn't think of anything else to say.  I just stood there, mouth gaped open, not speaking.  I did manage to blink though.  At least my eyes didn't dry out.

We started the week with the over exploited Snowmageddon 2011.  Yeah, we got snow, school was cancelled, kids had fun, hoorah hoorah and yaddah yaddah..  All in all, it really wasn't that bad.  Most of us town folk had expected it to start clearing by this weekend, until today that is...   Weather man said 30% chance of snow, nothing more than a dusting to an inch.  He lied.  He stood there, in front of his green screen, talking all smooth like, doing that lazy crooked grin thing and it was a lie.  I should have caught on when he started to do his 'I really have no idea what's going to happen so I'll just tell them what I think they wanna hear' lie dance. I swear he did that 'shifty eye' thing too.  I blame myself for not recognizing the signs.

Does this look like an inch to you???  No? Yeah, not to me either.
Or what about this??  Hmmmm....Close, but not quite.
And I really don't recall 'Flurries' ever looking like this.....
I need this to stop, immediately.  I need Mother Nature and Jack Frost to please stop getting busy because they really are making a mess.  A HUGE mess.   An 'I have two, 90lb dogs, one poodle,  a cat, a kid and a husband that have been confined to 2700 square feet for 5 days straight' mess.  That equals one mom that wants to do a swan dive off the roof.  *points at self*  Yes, I'm referring to me....

I'm running dangerously low on chocolate, cheezits, wine, patience, mental stability and toilet paper.  Somebody PLEASE, send help!  This really could end badly for all those involved.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Snow Much Fun....

Another snow day.  This time, it was so bad, they actually closed my office for the day.  Hubs and I didn't even have to fight about who was gonna stay home.  Meh, that kinda sucked the fun outta it.

I stay home so rarely, I often forget what all it entails.  Did you know kids expect breakfast?  And lunch? AND snack time??? I had no idea.  It appears I've reallied too heavily on the public school systems.
Ehhhh, my bad?

I've also noticed that my house is completely disgusting.  It's amazing how much more dirt you can see when it's still daylight outside.  The light coming in from the back door actually illuminated the funk that was on my floor.  It made me gag.  Seriously, there was gag-age. For those of you that have had the unfortunate experience of dropping by, ohmygosh I am MORTIFIED.  Please, feel free to hire me a housekeeper.

I also forgot how much fun it could be and how much I can actually get accomplished!  We managed to clean the house, take down the Christmas tree and decorations (yes I know it's almost Valentines day..but hey, at least I got it down before Easter.  That's a two month improvement over last year!), go sledding, drink hot chocolate and make snow cream.  Just call me Martha.

Wanna know the best part?  My kid told me she loved spending time with me.  She said today reminded her of when she was 'little'. *tear*sniff*tear*  Is it wrong I hope tomorrow's weather is just a retched?  I seriously want a repeat.

Anyway, here's a little picture montage of how we spent day one of Snowmageddon '11.