Monday, January 24, 2011

Paging Dr. Feelgood....

WOW, what a day.  Poor hubs finally had his back surgery.  Somethin', somethin', somethin', lower back yada yah.  I have no idea what it was called.  I just know his back has been outta whack for a year and half and he's been MISERABLE.

He hasn't been able to do anything he enjoys, especially these last few months.  It had gotten so bad, he couldn't even stand in one place for more than five minutes.  It broke my heart.  Finally, after months of waiting, surgery day had arrived! WOOO HOOO!!

Of course, this morning started out like any other Monday.  I got up late, ran around the house like a mad woman, screeched at my kid, flailed my arms at my husband, then casually strolled in to the hospital.  (Ok, so we don't normally stroll into hospitals on Mondays, but you get what I mean)

We get checked in and head back to the pre-op area.  The first nurse was great, super friendly and had excellent bedside manner.  The second nurse was, well, reeeeeeally friendly.  She took a like liking to Jeff...IMMEDIATELY.  It all started with this:

 "Aren't you such a nice man and so handsome"

 Ummm.  Hi.  Wife here.

Then went on, "Wow, I bet with your gene pool, you have beautiful children."

Yeah, hi.  Still here.  It's not that big of a room, I know you can see me.

She then walks to the end of the bed, noticing that Hub's feet are hanging off the edge.

"Aren't you just a tall drink of water!"

Lusting nurse say WHAAAA?  Don't make me squirt you in the eye with this foaming antibacterial hand sanitizer.  Yes, I'm glaring at you.  Don't you look away from me.  That's what I thought.

Anyway, moving on.  My parents, brother and sweet friend came to sit with me as we waited.  THANK GOODNESS.  I was an antsy mess.  I hate waiting and I hate not knowing whats going on.

Surgery finally ended and they got hubs to the recovery room.  A few minutes later, the attendant came and got me.  "He's asking for his wife."

 SQUEE! That's Me!!  

I follow her back and she shows me where he is.  I pulled back the curtain and saw my sweet boy, with a goofy grin and heavily lidded eyes. Then I'm greeted with "Sup babe!" as he chucks me the deuce.

OH YEAH, this is gonna be fun, I muse internally

I rush over and place his wedding band back on his finger.  He smiles and squeezes my hand.  Le sigh.  I'm so glad he's ok.  We chit chat for a few.  Nothing major just, how do you feel, can you move your legs, can I get you anything.....Then I start to share with him the instructions the doctor has given me.  I'm instantly cut off.

"Do you see those leaves of that curtain?"

"Uh, what?"

"See them, right there?  You're not looking.  Are you looking?  See, right there.  Know what they are?"


"KShy, c'mon you know what those are.  We have that same tree in our yard.  On the side of the house, you know, between the shrubs and the other tree?"

"I, I have no idea. Yes, I see but....."

"I can't believe you don't know this!"


Enter nurse.  OH THANK GOODNESS.

She checks him over and I run out to get my family, chuckling as I leave.  They come in visit for a few then head back out.

A couple of hours later, we are released.  Hubs is wheeled to car and we take off for the homestead, making a few pit stops along the way.  One, he wants me to run to TJ Maxx and get him some new headphones.  Reasonable request, so I oblige.  Next, we head to the store to drop of the prescriptions.  We pull up and the line is 780 cars deep.  Hubs is in no mood to wait, so we leave (I had to return several hours later to take care of this. That's a whole other story).  Final stop, Braums.  He's hungry and wants a milkshake.  I can't blame him.  Braums ALWAYS makes me feel better.  I whip in and order everything he wants.  Satisfied that the beast has been calmed, I head home.

We pull up and I help him out.  As we're hobbling up to the door, I mouth off a bit.

"I should get you a cane".  Hahahaha.  Gosh, I crack myself up.

We get in and get settled.  Next thing I know,  he's handing me his iPad.

"I want a cane with a sword in it."

Oh no, this can't be good.

Oh wow, he's serious.  He's even picked one out on Amazon.  Ok, first of all, WHY Amazon?  Why are you selling canes that have a sword in them.  Are you serious?  Good grief.

I look at him.  Yup, still serious.  Super.

"Um, ok?"  Way to articulate, Shy.  Whatever, I'm tired.

About an hour later, I hear this:

"I'd like a machine gun."


Then this:

"You know, if there was ever a war here, we'd survive.  I know where some caves are."

Good to know, love.  

"I'm serious.  We'd survive.  I KNOW how to survive.  And you'd be with me, so you'll survive too."

Well, that's reassuring.  

Then he proceeds to grab various parts of my body with that stupid Gopher grabber thing.  (Not sure who gave that to him, but when I find out.  Well, let's just say, you better sleep with one eye open.)

I begin to chant the following mantra over and over again,  'He's drugged, he's drugged, he's drugged, he's drugged'

Oh LOOK!  It's time to pick up your meds.  I'll be back.

I sprint to the car and head back to Wal-Mart.  They're ready.  HALLELUJAH!!  As I'm standing in line, I look down and realize I'm wearing the majority of my dinner.  Musta happened after I swatted at him for grabbing me with that stupid thing....AGAIN.

Whatever, I don't care.  I just want to get home and dope him up.  HOLD ON, I just want to dope him up because I know he's in pain.  NOT because I want to be left alone.  I promise.

*crosses fingers behind back*

So, that's where I am now.  Hubs is thoroughly medicated and I'm getting my first five minutes of the day to myself.

Now that I've calmed down a bit, I have to say the following:

I AM incredibly thankful to God that he made it through safely, thankful to my family and bestie for coming to sit with me and SO thankful we have such amazing friends that have continued to pray for us and check on us all day.  I'm also thankful for Dr. Feelgood for making this super crazy day entertaining as well;)


aidanmomma said...

Tears in my eyes. OMG I am dying laughing. On a side note, I am sorry to hear that you guy are having to deal with this. Although it definitely makes for interesting stories.

aidanmomma said...

Tears in my eyes. OMG I am dying laughing. On a side note, I am sorry to hear that you guy are having to deal with this. Although it definitely makes for interesting stories.