Thursday, January 13, 2011

Me, Myself and Sheila....

I have come to a rather important decision in my life.  I'm no longer considering the constant babbling in my head, as "voices".  Nope...Not anymore.  I have isolated it to one voice and have decided that from this day forward, it shall be known as my 'inner monologue'...AKA Sheila.

It's really rather ummm, unexpected,  the things that I 'discuss' in my head.  ESPECIALLY as of late.  One can only assume it's due to copious amounts of stress, very little sleep, a diet consisting of coffee and cheezits and a dog that will not shut the 'you know what'  up when I actually do attempt to close my eyes..  Alright, where's the zapper...I'm so serious this time.

Let's start with tthe most recent of events....earlier today.  I'm working away, minding my own business, then, WHAM!  I'm sucked into an internal debate, with Sheila, about the different punctuations afforded to the English language and appropriate times in which to use each one.

Should I put a comma here or a semi colon?  Hmmm...not really sure. Or maybe I should just nip this sentence in the bud and start a new one?  No,no, that's not gonna work, now it just looks like an incomplete.  GAH!  Seriously, this should not be that difficult.  I guess I could always go with abbreviated text talk.  Ugh, no...don't be dumb, KShy.  You can't send an emails to your boss consisting of  LOL, GR8, XCLNT, and that weird little sideways winky smile that I'm assuming is sticking it's tongue out.....   ;p  <--Yes! That one!  I don't trust that one....he has that wonky eye and I'm pretty sure he's mocking me.

Then there was the argument about selling all my stuff, moving to the beach and opening a tshirt shack.  To me, it makes perfect sense and there is NO WAY a business venture like that could fail.  Unfortunately, the ever astute Sheila pointed out the fact that I have a kid, a husband, a mortgage, bills, blah blah blah.  I really feel like she didn't hear me out.  My plan was flawless and consisted of epic amounts of WIN.

And of course, one of my all time favorites..... The great milk debate of 2010. I remember is like it was yesterday.....

I'm listening intently during my conference call ,making sure to take down very detailed notes, when Sheila started arguing with me about the validity of shelf stable milk.

Really Sheila, really?

I'm telling you right now, that's stuffs not right.  It's milk....on a shelf....and not in a refrigerator.  Eh, no thanks.  Yes, yes, I get the fact that it may have it's benefits.  And I'm sure, in the few parts of the NWA, still lacking electricity, it could be more than useful.  But again......it's MILK.  You know, the will spoil-can't leave out-tends to curdle-short shelf life-squeezed from a cow-must be refrigerated-beverage of choice for small children and pregnant women- pour it on your Alphabets cereal and spell dirty words -dairy product requiring an internal temperature of 36 degrees..  Everybody knows this....Everybody.

:::Le Sigh:::

Why can't  I just have normal internal debates like everybody else?  Simple day to day stuff, like:

Gee, I wonder what should we have for dinner? <---Spaghetti and salad.  Awe, thanks Sheila, that's a super idea! 

or

Hmm, I wonder what laundry soap should I buy?  <---- Buy the Gain.  It's on sale AND you have a coupon!  Oh my gosh, you're right!  I owe ya one, girl!

or even the

Oh look! a sale! I better move it or someone else is gonna grab those boots!!  <----Remember what happened last time?  Use your words to express your feelings, not your fists.  I REFUSE to have to explain away another incident the store's Loss Prevention team.   *winces at reminder* I will, I promise. But in my own defense, that only happened once and I was not the instigator!


*Shrugs*  Oh well, at least I have someone to talk to while I'm at work, right?  I mean, at least I'm not sitting alone, in my stark white office, staring a computer screen for umpteen hours a day, in complete and utter silence..... That could end up driving someone mad!

No comments: