Sunday, January 16, 2011

Did I Just Say That?

Oh the famous phrase, "You know what I mean!"  I'm pretty sure I hold Guinness book of world records for 'Most uses of the following five words....'

My brain is on constant overdrive.  The endless attempts to juggle 'work' me and 'home' me has often proved itself to be quite difficult.  I feel the best way to explain this is with the following statement,  'I have a big head and little arms'  Please tell me you get that.  Anyway, the ongoing battle is most taxing on my psyche and I blame THAT for the ridiculous things that often spill forth from my mouth.

I've only been in my current job for about nine months.  Long enough to know the people I work with, but still not quite 'know' them.  Know what I mean?  Of course you do.  It takes a great deal of time to truly understand the people you are forced to be around, day in and day out.  You really only get to see a small glimpse of who they are and based on that small window, you're force to make a decision on what kind of individual they might actually be.

I can only imagine what most people must think of me.  Oy!

Let's refer to Friday for my example on just how awesome I am blurting out the first thing that pops into my mind.

Oh sweet merciful madness, Friday was insane.  The workload was astronomical, my mood was less than pleasant and I still had to prep for an eleven year olds 'Spa Weekend Extraveganza' birthday party.  

Friday gave me the shakes.

Thanks to my incredible ability to plan things appropriately, I agreed to a party start time of 6pm.  I have no idea why.  I haven't left my office before six in about seven months.  A six o'clock start time makes perfect sense. 

Way to think it through, Shy, way to think it through.

THANK GOODNESS I was able to finish what I needed at work.  Go me!  I shut down my laptop, hastily packed up my laptop, grabbed my purse and bolted for the door.  As I'm leaving, my boss shouts a reminder about our office dinner Saturday night.  I stop in my tracks, turn to him, then issue this as my response:

"Yep! I'll be there.  And if I don't show up, I'm at the Embassy Suites, bound and gaged and tied to a bed.  Please, come and save me!"

*chirping crickets*

It honestly took a solid forty five seconds for my brain to register the words that had tumbled off my tongue.  


I can feel the blood pooling in my cheeks.  Did I just say what I think I did?  Oh yes, I absolutely did.

My mind begins to race...Oh NO! He probably thinks hubs and I are going to carry on with some kinda kinky shenanigans while eleventy million 5th graders are in the other room.  I DIEZ.

I eloquently release the following statement from the death trap that is my mouth...

"No! Um, I just meant, like I hope the kids don't stage a coo and try to take over the party!"

And now I just said 'stage a coo'.....STOP TALKING AND RUN FOR THE DOOR...IDIOT!

He quirks an eyebrow at me.  Great.

"Ok, right.  Well, uhh, I gotta go!  So, I'll, um, I'll just see you guys tomorrow...yeahokbye..."

I made it to my car in 47.3 seconds.  A new record for me.  

Sitting in my car, resting my head on the steering wheel, I decide I must stage an intervention.  I raise my eyes to the mirror and my brow begins to harden. "Shy," I say, "You have GOT to start thinking before you speak.  Seriously.  That little episode was one of your worst!"

I hang my head in utter embarrassment and slowly nod in agreement.  I then reach for my iPhone and set the reminder to have my brain to mouth filter fixed....again.

So, back to my original point.  Small window, big decisions.   This little fact scares me to death....Only because I KNOW the odds are forever going to be stacked against me and I KNOW this is probably a genetic trait.  I feel like I should start issuing disclaimers to all persons I meet, prior to engaging in conversation.

 'WARNING: Speaking with this nut job will more than like end in confusion, misinterpretation and quite possibly, a reason to retain legal counsel'.  

You know, while I'm thinking about it, I should probably prepare said disclaimer for my kid, too.  Bless her poor little heart, I'm most certain this lovely gift with be passed down to her as well.  

1 comment:

Marcie and BIll said...

I can't believe nobody has commented on this!! This is PERFECT!! I also suffer from verbal diarrhea, and have yet to find a cure. I think it, out it comes. It is perfect in my mind, but once said, yup, where's my rock again?!!