Wednesday, January 26, 2011

I Don't Care If It's Yellow.....

Public restrooms are disgusting.  I hate them.  I avoid them at all costs.  Why you ask?  Simple, they're just an overgrown Petri dish of detestable grossness waiting to latch on to an unsuspecting soul, which would be me.

I do all I can to prevent said grossness of the public bathroom from finding it's way to my body.  I cover the seat with protective layer of toilet paper (or those nifty little seat cover things), hover oh so skillfully over the seat (even though it makes my knees hurt) and bathe in antibacterial soap prior to rejoining the general pubic.  Yet, I still never feel, uh, clean? . 

Oh and then there's always that fear of some vile creature lurking in the bowl, waiting to strike it's victim in the most awkward of places.  I know this happens people, I googled it.

Amplification of said fear only occurs when I walk into a stall and realize, someone has left their 'business' behind.  OH MAH GOSH.  The thought of makes me dry heave.

Why ladies?  Why do you feel the need to do this?  We are LADIES, not men.   This should never occur! Our genetic makeup should prevent us from making such deplorable decisions.

Being the giver of time and useful knowledge that I am, I have taken it upon myself to 'refresh' your memory on  proper public bathroom etiquette.  

PLEASE SEE BELOW for these seven, easy to follow steps:
  1. Cover Seat
  2. Hover
  3. Remove Cover
  4. Flush
  5. Confirm Flush
  6. Exit Stall
  7. Wash Hands
Otherwise known as CHRFCEW.  Which coincidentally goes hand in hand with "If you sprinkle while you tinkle, be neat and wipe the seat." These habits should be etched into your mind.  If not for your own safety, for the safety and sanitary (<--See? See what I did there?  Sanity, Sanitary? Get it? Good, right?) of others.

I do not need to bear witness to the fact that you have not had enough liquids today, or the fact that you had corn for dinner last night and most defiantly NOT to fact that you may not be feeling 'Tip Top' today. 

Again, I dry heave.

So, just to summarize, the "If it's yellow, let it mellow" tree hugging, save the planet rule, most certainly does NOT apply in a public setting.  Neither does talking on your cell phone while sitting in the stall next to me.  That too is an equally unforgivable offense.  Maybe I'll blog about that one tomorrow.  Or Friday.  I don't know, I haven't decided yet.

Monday, January 24, 2011

Paging Dr. Feelgood....

WOW, what a day.  Poor hubs finally had his back surgery.  Somethin', somethin', somethin', lower back yada yah.  I have no idea what it was called.  I just know his back has been outta whack for a year and half and he's been MISERABLE.

He hasn't been able to do anything he enjoys, especially these last few months.  It had gotten so bad, he couldn't even stand in one place for more than five minutes.  It broke my heart.  Finally, after months of waiting, surgery day had arrived! WOOO HOOO!!

Of course, this morning started out like any other Monday.  I got up late, ran around the house like a mad woman, screeched at my kid, flailed my arms at my husband, then casually strolled in to the hospital.  (Ok, so we don't normally stroll into hospitals on Mondays, but you get what I mean)

We get checked in and head back to the pre-op area.  The first nurse was great, super friendly and had excellent bedside manner.  The second nurse was, well, reeeeeeally friendly.  She took a like liking to Jeff...IMMEDIATELY.  It all started with this:

 "Aren't you such a nice man and so handsome"

 Ummm.  Hi.  Wife here.

Then went on, "Wow, I bet with your gene pool, you have beautiful children."

Yeah, hi.  Still here.  It's not that big of a room, I know you can see me.

She then walks to the end of the bed, noticing that Hub's feet are hanging off the edge.

"Aren't you just a tall drink of water!"

Lusting nurse say WHAAAA?  Don't make me squirt you in the eye with this foaming antibacterial hand sanitizer.  Yes, I'm glaring at you.  Don't you look away from me.  That's what I thought.

Anyway, moving on.  My parents, brother and sweet friend came to sit with me as we waited.  THANK GOODNESS.  I was an antsy mess.  I hate waiting and I hate not knowing whats going on.

Surgery finally ended and they got hubs to the recovery room.  A few minutes later, the attendant came and got me.  "He's asking for his wife."

 SQUEE! That's Me!!  

I follow her back and she shows me where he is.  I pulled back the curtain and saw my sweet boy, with a goofy grin and heavily lidded eyes. Then I'm greeted with "Sup babe!" as he chucks me the deuce.

OH YEAH, this is gonna be fun, I muse internally

I rush over and place his wedding band back on his finger.  He smiles and squeezes my hand.  Le sigh.  I'm so glad he's ok.  We chit chat for a few.  Nothing major just, how do you feel, can you move your legs, can I get you anything.....Then I start to share with him the instructions the doctor has given me.  I'm instantly cut off.

"Do you see those leaves of that curtain?"

"Uh, what?"

"See them, right there?  You're not looking.  Are you looking?  See, right there.  Know what they are?"


"KShy, c'mon you know what those are.  We have that same tree in our yard.  On the side of the house, you know, between the shrubs and the other tree?"

"I, I have no idea. Yes, I see but....."

"I can't believe you don't know this!"


Enter nurse.  OH THANK GOODNESS.

She checks him over and I run out to get my family, chuckling as I leave.  They come in visit for a few then head back out.

A couple of hours later, we are released.  Hubs is wheeled to car and we take off for the homestead, making a few pit stops along the way.  One, he wants me to run to TJ Maxx and get him some new headphones.  Reasonable request, so I oblige.  Next, we head to the store to drop of the prescriptions.  We pull up and the line is 780 cars deep.  Hubs is in no mood to wait, so we leave (I had to return several hours later to take care of this. That's a whole other story).  Final stop, Braums.  He's hungry and wants a milkshake.  I can't blame him.  Braums ALWAYS makes me feel better.  I whip in and order everything he wants.  Satisfied that the beast has been calmed, I head home.

We pull up and I help him out.  As we're hobbling up to the door, I mouth off a bit.

"I should get you a cane".  Hahahaha.  Gosh, I crack myself up.

We get in and get settled.  Next thing I know,  he's handing me his iPad.

"I want a cane with a sword in it."

Oh no, this can't be good.

Oh wow, he's serious.  He's even picked one out on Amazon.  Ok, first of all, WHY Amazon?  Why are you selling canes that have a sword in them.  Are you serious?  Good grief.

I look at him.  Yup, still serious.  Super.

"Um, ok?"  Way to articulate, Shy.  Whatever, I'm tired.

About an hour later, I hear this:

"I'd like a machine gun."


Then this:

"You know, if there was ever a war here, we'd survive.  I know where some caves are."

Good to know, love.  

"I'm serious.  We'd survive.  I KNOW how to survive.  And you'd be with me, so you'll survive too."

Well, that's reassuring.  

Then he proceeds to grab various parts of my body with that stupid Gopher grabber thing.  (Not sure who gave that to him, but when I find out.  Well, let's just say, you better sleep with one eye open.)

I begin to chant the following mantra over and over again,  'He's drugged, he's drugged, he's drugged, he's drugged'

Oh LOOK!  It's time to pick up your meds.  I'll be back.

I sprint to the car and head back to Wal-Mart.  They're ready.  HALLELUJAH!!  As I'm standing in line, I look down and realize I'm wearing the majority of my dinner.  Musta happened after I swatted at him for grabbing me with that stupid thing....AGAIN.

Whatever, I don't care.  I just want to get home and dope him up.  HOLD ON, I just want to dope him up because I know he's in pain.  NOT because I want to be left alone.  I promise.

*crosses fingers behind back*

So, that's where I am now.  Hubs is thoroughly medicated and I'm getting my first five minutes of the day to myself.

Now that I've calmed down a bit, I have to say the following:

I AM incredibly thankful to God that he made it through safely, thankful to my family and bestie for coming to sit with me and SO thankful we have such amazing friends that have continued to pray for us and check on us all day.  I'm also thankful for Dr. Feelgood for making this super crazy day entertaining as well;)

Monday, January 17, 2011

Now THAT, was a Party...

My baby turned eleven.....How? How is that even possible?  I swear, just yesterday, we were bringing her home from the hospital and now she's texting her friends at 40 WPM.  Wasn't it just last week that I was rocking her to sleep in the antique chair handed down to us from Hub's grandmother?  And I KNOW it was just a few short months ago that she took her first steps...right? Right??  All I did was blink and when I opened my eyes, I had an almost teenager standing in front of me.  It doesn't seem real.

Life has been pretty hectic lately.  All three of us seem to be pulled in different directions all at the same time.  Trying to make sure everyone is where they should be, when they should be there is defiantly becoming a non-so-easy task.  Especially on my part.

Yep, I'm rapidly becoming the front runner for 'Mom Fail' of the year.  I seriously suck.  No, I'm not going to seize the opportunity to blame my job, just know, it's implied.

So, I miss a lot of stuff, I suck, I feel immense guilt, you get it.  Moving on....

This brings us to kiddo's birthday party.  My chance to really make things up to her.  Ah, sweet redemption.

I may 'mom fail' at a lot of things, but birthdays, NO WAY.  Birthdays are a HUGE deal in my world.  They rank above any other event that could ever come into creation.  Birthdays are monumental.

I never really had birthday parties growing up.  Now, wait a second, before you go stoning my parents, just hear me out.  We were a big family, on a super tight budget, with both parents working.  My parents sacrificed everything just so I could have the 'cool jeans' like my friends.  They went without, wore the same clothes until they were holey, shopped at the bargain barn, did whatever just so their superficial daughter could avoid the hand me downs and shop at Maurice's.  My parents are the shiznit., like for realz.  So, in my book, if I had to go bypass the whole party thing with my friends, so be it.  I didn't really care.  Not really anyway.

I appreciate my parents more than they will ever know.  Don't think I didn't notice, Mom and Dad.  I did.  Even if I was acting like a brat.  <---Sooooo sorry about that, BTW.

Anyway, back to present day.  Where was I?  ....birthday, mom fail, party......OH RIGHT!

Kiddo's birthday party.  This year's event was dubbed "A Day at the Spa'.  She wanted to have facials, manis, pedis, chick flicks and junk food.  A child after my own heart, bless her.  She also wanted a hotel sleepover.

Hotel stay, this was our first year to do it.  I kinda felt like the girls were finally old enough for it.  I was right.  It was awesome.

The hotel staff was beyond amazing.  They were so patient with little girls running all over the place.  The girls swam, chilled in the jacuzzi, did their nails and covered their faces in the green goopy mess that is a cucumber face mask in a tube, shoved pizza down their pie hole and laughed NON STOP.

Then, I heard the following words come out of my child's mouth:

"Guys, seriously, this was the best birthday party ever.  Don't 'cha think?"


She loved it!  In that instant, I felt that I might actually have made up for, even if it was minuscule, all the stuff I've missed.  All the slacker, mom fail moments seemed to have just disappeared.  My kiddo was happy and she was happy her mama was with her.  I never wanted it to end.  So, right then and there, I mad the decision, I'm takin' my life back.  I just can't worry about the 'what ifs' anymore.  God has never given me a reason to doubt that my family wouldn't be taken care of, ever.

Bring on 2011, I am so ready...

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Did I Just Say That?

Oh the famous phrase, "You know what I mean!"  I'm pretty sure I hold Guinness book of world records for 'Most uses of the following five words....'

My brain is on constant overdrive.  The endless attempts to juggle 'work' me and 'home' me has often proved itself to be quite difficult.  I feel the best way to explain this is with the following statement,  'I have a big head and little arms'  Please tell me you get that.  Anyway, the ongoing battle is most taxing on my psyche and I blame THAT for the ridiculous things that often spill forth from my mouth.

I've only been in my current job for about nine months.  Long enough to know the people I work with, but still not quite 'know' them.  Know what I mean?  Of course you do.  It takes a great deal of time to truly understand the people you are forced to be around, day in and day out.  You really only get to see a small glimpse of who they are and based on that small window, you're force to make a decision on what kind of individual they might actually be.

I can only imagine what most people must think of me.  Oy!

Let's refer to Friday for my example on just how awesome I am blurting out the first thing that pops into my mind.

Oh sweet merciful madness, Friday was insane.  The workload was astronomical, my mood was less than pleasant and I still had to prep for an eleven year olds 'Spa Weekend Extraveganza' birthday party.  

Friday gave me the shakes.

Thanks to my incredible ability to plan things appropriately, I agreed to a party start time of 6pm.  I have no idea why.  I haven't left my office before six in about seven months.  A six o'clock start time makes perfect sense. 

Way to think it through, Shy, way to think it through.

THANK GOODNESS I was able to finish what I needed at work.  Go me!  I shut down my laptop, hastily packed up my laptop, grabbed my purse and bolted for the door.  As I'm leaving, my boss shouts a reminder about our office dinner Saturday night.  I stop in my tracks, turn to him, then issue this as my response:

"Yep! I'll be there.  And if I don't show up, I'm at the Embassy Suites, bound and gaged and tied to a bed.  Please, come and save me!"

*chirping crickets*

It honestly took a solid forty five seconds for my brain to register the words that had tumbled off my tongue.  


I can feel the blood pooling in my cheeks.  Did I just say what I think I did?  Oh yes, I absolutely did.

My mind begins to race...Oh NO! He probably thinks hubs and I are going to carry on with some kinda kinky shenanigans while eleventy million 5th graders are in the other room.  I DIEZ.

I eloquently release the following statement from the death trap that is my mouth...

"No! Um, I just meant, like I hope the kids don't stage a coo and try to take over the party!"

And now I just said 'stage a coo'.....STOP TALKING AND RUN FOR THE DOOR...IDIOT!

He quirks an eyebrow at me.  Great.

"Ok, right.  Well, uhh, I gotta go!  So, I'll, um, I'll just see you guys tomorrow...yeahokbye..."

I made it to my car in 47.3 seconds.  A new record for me.  

Sitting in my car, resting my head on the steering wheel, I decide I must stage an intervention.  I raise my eyes to the mirror and my brow begins to harden. "Shy," I say, "You have GOT to start thinking before you speak.  Seriously.  That little episode was one of your worst!"

I hang my head in utter embarrassment and slowly nod in agreement.  I then reach for my iPhone and set the reminder to have my brain to mouth filter fixed....again.

So, back to my original point.  Small window, big decisions.   This little fact scares me to death....Only because I KNOW the odds are forever going to be stacked against me and I KNOW this is probably a genetic trait.  I feel like I should start issuing disclaimers to all persons I meet, prior to engaging in conversation.

 'WARNING: Speaking with this nut job will more than like end in confusion, misinterpretation and quite possibly, a reason to retain legal counsel'.  

You know, while I'm thinking about it, I should probably prepare said disclaimer for my kid, too.  Bless her poor little heart, I'm most certain this lovely gift with be passed down to her as well.  

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Me, Myself and Sheila....

I have come to a rather important decision in my life.  I'm no longer considering the constant babbling in my head, as "voices".  Nope...Not anymore.  I have isolated it to one voice and have decided that from this day forward, it shall be known as my 'inner monologue'...AKA Sheila.

It's really rather ummm, unexpected,  the things that I 'discuss' in my head.  ESPECIALLY as of late.  One can only assume it's due to copious amounts of stress, very little sleep, a diet consisting of coffee and cheezits and a dog that will not shut the 'you know what'  up when I actually do attempt to close my eyes..  Alright, where's the zapper...I'm so serious this time.

Let's start with tthe most recent of events....earlier today.  I'm working away, minding my own business, then, WHAM!  I'm sucked into an internal debate, with Sheila, about the different punctuations afforded to the English language and appropriate times in which to use each one.

Should I put a comma here or a semi colon?  Hmmm...not really sure. Or maybe I should just nip this sentence in the bud and start a new one?  No,no, that's not gonna work, now it just looks like an incomplete.  GAH!  Seriously, this should not be that difficult.  I guess I could always go with abbreviated text talk.  Ugh, no...don't be dumb, KShy.  You can't send an emails to your boss consisting of  LOL, GR8, XCLNT, and that weird little sideways winky smile that I'm assuming is sticking it's tongue out.....   ;p  <--Yes! That one!  I don't trust that one....he has that wonky eye and I'm pretty sure he's mocking me.

Then there was the argument about selling all my stuff, moving to the beach and opening a tshirt shack.  To me, it makes perfect sense and there is NO WAY a business venture like that could fail.  Unfortunately, the ever astute Sheila pointed out the fact that I have a kid, a husband, a mortgage, bills, blah blah blah.  I really feel like she didn't hear me out.  My plan was flawless and consisted of epic amounts of WIN.

And of course, one of my all time favorites..... The great milk debate of 2010. I remember is like it was yesterday.....

I'm listening intently during my conference call ,making sure to take down very detailed notes, when Sheila started arguing with me about the validity of shelf stable milk.

Really Sheila, really?

I'm telling you right now, that's stuffs not right.  It's milk....on a shelf....and not in a refrigerator.  Eh, no thanks.  Yes, yes, I get the fact that it may have it's benefits.  And I'm sure, in the few parts of the NWA, still lacking electricity, it could be more than useful.  But's MILK.  You know, the will spoil-can't leave out-tends to curdle-short shelf life-squeezed from a cow-must be refrigerated-beverage of choice for small children and pregnant women- pour it on your Alphabets cereal and spell dirty words -dairy product requiring an internal temperature of 36 degrees..  Everybody knows this....Everybody.

:::Le Sigh:::

Why can't  I just have normal internal debates like everybody else?  Simple day to day stuff, like:

Gee, I wonder what should we have for dinner? <---Spaghetti and salad.  Awe, thanks Sheila, that's a super idea! 


Hmm, I wonder what laundry soap should I buy?  <---- Buy the Gain.  It's on sale AND you have a coupon!  Oh my gosh, you're right!  I owe ya one, girl!

or even the

Oh look! a sale! I better move it or someone else is gonna grab those boots!!  <----Remember what happened last time?  Use your words to express your feelings, not your fists.  I REFUSE to have to explain away another incident the store's Loss Prevention team.   *winces at reminder* I will, I promise. But in my own defense, that only happened once and I was not the instigator!

*Shrugs*  Oh well, at least I have someone to talk to while I'm at work, right?  I mean, at least I'm not sitting alone, in my stark white office, staring a computer screen for umpteen hours a day, in complete and utter silence..... That could end up driving someone mad!

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Use Your Words...

I love my friends, they are seriously the bomb.  I've been lucky enough to find a group of women that are beautiful, smart, HILARIOUS, clever, witty, talented, selfless, supporting, creative....You get it.  My friends are the bees knees..

They have also learned to communicate with me on a level in which I understand.  One in particular, has mastered this lost cause.

I'm a simple minded girl.  I can't handle long, wordy texts; my short attention span just won't allow it.  She has come to realize this and has taken it upon herself to become the reining champion of  'Communication with KShy',  She's also figured out that she can bait me with random, one-offs and I'll totally bite.

Case in point:

Yep...And that's it.  THIS is how I use my words.  No lengthy dissertations, no bullet point summaries, no hand written letters. Oh, no, THIS is how I've learned communicate.  My parents are beyond proud of me.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

I'll Respond in Cases of Death, Dismemberment and Cat Grooming.

I don't text during the day, not really.  I also don't answer my phone or leave for lunch.  Those that are close to me know this and have learned to accept it.  Meh, for the most part.

I don't know why I can't.  I guess you could say I have a one track mind.  It's like, once I start a task, I just can't stop!  There's some kinda weird pull that prevents me from walking away. 

There are however, a few things can bring me out of the 'zone'.  The school calling about an almost fatal injury ( that my child has so cleverly convinced them of no doubt), the building on fire, the dogs getting loose...again,  my husband broken down on the side of the road....You know, things like that.  Those are prime examples of ways to get me to wake me from my work induced trance and return a text..  ***I also respond in cases of death or dismemberment.

And then there are the rare instances where I'll get a text and I just can't HELP it.  I have to respond.  Like the one I got today.....

3:27pm my phone buzzes....I ignore.....three minutes later, the reminder buzz goes off.

An aggravated groan escapes my lips as I reach for my phone.  It's from hubs.  I hesitate....Then the serious battle begins to wage within... 

Do I look?  No, don't look.  But what if it's important?  He'll text me back.  Or call.  Yes!  If it was a real emergency, he'd call.  If I look, I'll feel obligated to respond.  If I respond, he'll more than likely respond back.  Then I'll have to respond back to him.  And I KNOW he'll respond back again....Then I'll have lost a solid six minutes of time....I can get a lot done in six minutes.  I'll lose my train of thought if I look...That's it I'm not looking.  I'm not....BUT....

As my inner monologue begins to fade, the familiar chanting begins to take it's place...

'Don't look, don't look, don't look, don't look'.  FINE! I'm not looking! 

I slowly reach back to place my phone in it's former resting place when I hear a swift knock at the door.


My associate is standing there, asking me a random series of questions in rapid succession.  I blink. 

What did she just ask me?  Ugh! Now I've lost 4 minutes.

My associate walks away and I huff once again.  My train of thought has been thoroughly derailed. 


With no excuse to fall back on, I reach for my phone once again.  I have no choice.  I punch in my pass code and stare down at my screen.

THIS is the image that greets me....

I squint my eyes and focus on the tiny picture in front of me...What tha'?  *BUZZ*  Ah HA! The explanation has arrived:

Hubs: "Not entirely sure what she's doing to the cat, but it doesn't seem to mind."


Me: "Ehhhhh, is the cat in a pizza box?"
Hubs: "Mmmmmhmmmm, Not sure of the purpose though.  However, it appears to be a bridge over the sink"
Me: "........................"
Hubs: "After further investigation, It seems to have been very odd grooming session consisting in fact, of a pizza box and a toothbrush."
Me: "...................Ah, well, that makes sense then.""
Hubs: "Don't forget the paper towels and dog food."
Me: "..............................."

I set my phone down and pinch the bridge of my nose. I have no response to this.  I have no response to this and I feel no need rationalize the fact that there was a pizza box, in my bathroom sink, holding up a cat, while it's getting groomed by a toothbrush wielding eleven year old.

I, I have no idea.  None.  I just know, that if she used my toothbrush to groom the cat, she is dead meat.

Snow Day....Go Away...Seriously.

Ahh....the ever exciting snow day.  School cancelled, hot chocolate flowing, sledding with friends, being a couch potato, binge eating without remorse.  It IS the ultimate Free Day. 

Every child prays for this day.  They plaster their face to the back door, watching the puffy white particles fall from the sky.  They begin to pace the floor in anticipation.  They suffer through the ten o'clock news broadcast (every child's worst nightmare) all on the hopes that school, will in fact, be cancelled.

I was no different as an adolescent.  I'm actually pretty sure I led the prayer group that begged for snow. I would beg and plead to man upstairs...I'd promise I'd be good.  Promise to brush my teeth and eat my veggies...Promise I would never again go into my brother's room and raid it for cash, EVER, if I could just be granted this one day of reprieve.  My daughter is no different..

Now, I'm just going to put a small disclaimer out there prior to my next statement.  *I am quite grumpy today*  Please keep this in mind as you continue to read....

I no longer pray for this day.....**Le GASP!**  I know. snow days.  AT ALL.

Why you ask?  It's simple really....I, am a VERY jealous person.  I am no longer that kid that gets to stay home and enjoy a nice cozy fire while my mommy serves me hot chocolate.  I am no longer that kid that gets to stay outside for hours, oblivious to the extreme cold, sledding until my heart's content.  I am no longer that kid that gets to watch endless hours of mindless television while consuming an entire box of cheezits....Nope, I am no longer, that is cruel.
I'm the grown up....and I have to go to work.  Hmph.

Yes, yes, you are correct.  I am stomping my foot and yes, my arms are crossed in front of my chest.  *insert five year old whiny voice here*  But, I want to be HOME!

Normally, Hubs and I take 'turns' when it comes to snow days.  We alternate who's going to stay home with the kiddo.  It works for us...and I was sure, today was my day......I was wrong. 

See, we kinda do the '1-2-3 NOT IT!' thing....Except it's more like, '1-2-3 I'll stay home!'  It's "understood" that the person who calls it first, get its....  Yeah, well, he won this round. 

So, I braved the roads, skidded into the EMPTY parking lot and skated my way to the front door.  And him?  Well, he was at home, getting ready for my nieces to come over for some competitive sled racing....Super.

And that's where I am today....On my lunch break, in my work clothes, with my rubber boots on, trying to stay warm and trying not to be bitter...  (which I am obviously failing miserably at)....At least hubs promised to make a roast for dinner.

 Meh...this really does nothing to improve my mood.

My thoughts are beginning wander back to my childhood and the nagging voice in the back of my head keeps asking me this...If I summon the Snow Day Prayer Group, and really concentrate, could it get me outta work for the rest of the day?? Maybe? One can only hope...

Monday, January 10, 2011

New Years Eve at It's Finest...and a Random Quote From My Kiddo...

I always have such good intentions when I say, "Ohhh, I think I'll start blogging again!  I obviously have SO MUCH free time on my hands.  I'm actually quite bored!"  What's that saying about good intentions again?  Ah yes, that's right.

But seriously, I AM going to try this time.  Promise.....and no, my fingers are not crossed behind my back.  Sheesh. 

So, I'll start with something simple.  A brief recant of my fabulicious New Years Eve and then maybe wrap up with some randomness that is a "Quote from Kiddo".  Sound Good?  Right then, on we go!


Can I just say, I had one of the MOST amazing times of my life.  Hands down

*Flashback to March, 2010*

SET SCENE- Innocent conversation with said bestie, Melissa Myers Osborn

"So, MMO, I know what you're getting for your birthday!!" I squealed into the phone like a thirteen year old girl.  "It's shiny and silver and comes in a little blue box with a pretty white ribbon!"

See, being besties for as long as we have (fifteen years to be exact..and I swear, one crack about age and I will flick your ear through this monitor), established certain traditions.  I ALWAYS get my homemade, peanut butter ritz, bathed in chocolate, sandwich cookies (as well as other goodies.  This year was a killer tshirt and an awesome jewelry dish...made out of a record.. It was completely awesome and so us and I laughed and laughed and laughed...)  Wait, where was I?  Oh yes.... and MMO, she always gets me, at her front door, with a little blue box and an ear to ear grin.  That's what we do.  It works for us.

Anyway, during our pre-celebration phone call discussion to plan my annual birthday trip to OKC, she mentioned this instead.  "I reeeeeeeeeally wanna go see this band, 100 Monkeys, in Dallas.  Like really really bad."  My natural reaction, of course, was.."Who?"

After forty five minutes of explaining to me who they were, I approved.  Why not, right?  So, last year, for her birthday, I took her to see said concert.  Not that I particularly fell in love with it, but I did love the expression on her face as they took the stage.  She was ecstatic and it melted my two sizes too small heart.

Since that day, she has encouraged me to develop a healthy, uh....appreciation for this band.  Not just because the lead singer is an actor....not just because he could fit in my pocket....and not just because he's so darn cute it gives me heart palpitations....nope, just because we can.  See, when the two of us get off on a tangent, well, there's no turning back.  It almost because an obsession.  A conquest of epic proportions.  A mountain worth climbing....Get where I'm going with this??

Ok, so back to NYE.  We discovered our little band was hosting a NYE bash in Austin.  We also discovered that for an absolutely reasonable, you could feed a third world country for a week, price, we could get VIP tickets and meet the band.  Can I getta WOOT WOOT!!  Anybody? Anybody?? No?  Fine.  We booked our package and began counting down the days......

As they day approached, I could hardly contain my excitement.  You see, not only were MMO and I going, we convinced a whole gaggle of women to join. us.  The more the merrier, right??  Right indeed. 

I met the most amazing, beautiful, welcoming women of my LIFE!!  They didn't know me from adam, but they didn't care.  It was like we'd been friends for life. 

First, there were the two lovelies from Georgia.  Not only were they smart, stunning and exceedingly witty, they were both incredibly talented.  More so than I could ever hope to be. 

Then, there was the little fireball from Florida.  She had more pizazz in her pinkie than I do in my whole body.

Of course I can't for get the stunning red head.  Her personality, grace and smile lit up the whole room.

Throw me, MMO, the five foot tall inflatable monkey and her hubs (yes, he went.  We like to refer to him as just 'one of the girls') And we had our self one, motley crew. 

We laughed and ate and laughed.  We took more pictures than one would ever need.  We told stories, played dress up, griped about our men, bragged about our men, griped about our kids, bragged about our kids. Shared ambitions, shared regrets...They discovered I have serious issues with committing to music while driving...and I also tend to stress out and shake uncontrollably at random.  It was PERFECT.

We got to meet my...uh, our little pocket man from the jam band. *SQUEEE!* Traded a hat for Korean elevator alley cat meat on a stick, (Don't ask...seriously) Got extremely artistic with a sharpie, realized that the vendor that sells glow sticks to the dollar store should be replaced because those, should never be allowed to be sold anywhere other than....well, just not at the dollar store and was asked some extremely details questions about cookies. 

I know it sounds like a lot and you're probably thinking "I have no idea what this chick is talking about" but, I'm going to give you the most cliche thing I can think of.  You just had to be there.

And that's it!  That was my NYE of epic awesomeness.  I can feel the sheer excitement radiating from the screen as you all read this....I understand.  I felt the same way..

OH! And as promised, here is kiddo's random quote of the day:

Ken: "Mom, as I was pooping, I remembered, I didn't kiss you goodnight!"

Me:  "Please tell me you washed your hands..."

Under New Management!!

*dusts off the blogger account* *cough, hack, wheeze*

WOW, I can't believe I remembered my password.  Ha!  Ginkgo biloba ain't got nothin' on me.

Now, this is a short post just to say....."I AM BACK WITH A VENGEANCE!"  *attempts to rap*  'Hide yo kids, hide yo wife'.

I'll post more tonight!  And maybe, if you're lucky, I'll post some pics....May-beh....