Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Quotes from Baby Shy....A Mini Post...

Set Scene: Shopping with Baby Shy
Event: Dress Shopping.

And Begin..........

*24 tried on dresses later*

Baby Shy: "MOM! Oh wow, you look sooooo prettah.  Like really, really, prettah!!"

KShy: "Awe, thanks baby.  You look very pretty too."

Baby Shy: "Yeah, well.....I just wanna say, that dress makes you look.......well, skinnier.  Not that you're really fat, but....well, that just looks better than most things you wear."

KShy: *blink*

Baby Shy: "Mom, I'm not saying you're normally fat looking....but, this just seems to fit you better than most things you wear."

KShy: *blink blink*

Baby Shy: "Soooo...what I'm saying mom, is that you should probably get it.  Because it's really nice and you actually look........well, good."

*Cough. Blink. Cough*.....

KShy: "Ok.  I'll buy two....or maybe six.  That'd be one in each color."

Uhhhh.....I really wanna tell kiddo 'thanks' for the honesty.......honestly, I do........right?

Friday, May 6, 2011

Small Town Livin'....

Yes, I still live in the same town I grew up in.  Yes, I live across the street from my parents.  Yes, I leave my doors unlocked without worrying.  And Yes, everywhere I go, I run into someone I know.  Know why? I live in a small town.

I always thought I'd leave this place.  As soon as I graduated,  I was going to BOLT.....far and fast.  I was going to pick the school that was a million miles away (and preferably close to the ocean).  I was gonna be the worlds FIRST lawyer-doctor-veterinarian-professional race car driver.  Yup, that was the plan, and all I had to do was follow it.

Know what happened? I met a boy....and this boy stole my heart.  But wait,  this boy was not going to a school far far away, he was staying here.   Well shoot, I couldn't just leave him now could I?  Of course not.  I stayed put.

I went to class and worked part time.  At least I didn't have to worry about bills.  Thank you mommy and daddy! Know what happened next?  My parents move away.  Well, crapola.  What was I supposed to do?  Where would I live?  I found a little place to rent but I couldn't quite afford it.  Remember that boy I told you about?  He paid half my rent for me....and no, he didn't live there.

School, school, work, work, day in, day out.  It wasn't exactly the plan, but I was moving forward.... and this was acceptable.  Know what happened next?  That boy asked me to marry him.  (Well, I technically asked him first, but he wanted to do that whole formal "down on one knee" thing.  What?  I wanted it, so I asked for it.)  Seems like a logical next step.  I accept.

We got married, worked full time, went to school, were completely broke and loved every minute of it.  Know what happened next?  I got the flu...............oh no, that's not the flu.  I'm going to have this the rest of my life.  And baby makes three!  No more school.  Gotta work full time.

So, alright, I took a few minutes to evaluate the situation.

  1. I am not at an awesome school......
  2. I am not eleventy million miles away.
  3. I am not even CLOSE to the ocean
  4. I can't afford to buy two ply toilet paper
  5. This boy completely owns me
  6. I can't see my toes.
Time to revise the plan.
  1. Get hubs through school
  2. Lose the baby weight
  3. Pay off debt
  4. Move to an awesome big city.
See how well I can adjust according to my surroundings?  Impressive, right?  This plan seems doable. I'm gonna go with it.

Moving on....I feel like I'm really dragging this out.

Fast forward 11 years.   I managed to complete #1 on the revised plan, #2 and #3 are still a work on progress and #4? Meh, not really interested anymore.

I really dig our small little town.  It's safe, it's clean, it's friendly and you can always find something to do.  Case in point, tonight.  The have a giant block party on the old town square the first Friday of every month.  SO. MUCH. FUN.

Live music, games, craft booths, kids activities and just about anything you want to eat.  The food part is my favorite. (Shocking, I know) Know why? Its all deep friend and served on a stick. Tasty AND convenient.   I call that a win win.

Can anybody else hear the "Green Acres" theme song playing in the background? Heh, me too.

Oh! Did I mention they had a 5k fun run as well?  My niece ran in it and she did phenomenal.  She obviously gets her athletic abilities from me.  Obviously.

We seriously had a blast tonight.  We laughed, we talked, we walked and we watched.  I hung out with my family and mingled with the town folk. And you know what? I wouldn't change it for the world.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Happy... Holy Flash Flood! Easter....

Easter has come once again.  How did you celebrate?  Our day was jam packed with Jesus, ham, plastic eggs and gigantic raindrops.  It was pretty perfect....

Now, the road to perfection is never easy.  There are ALWAYS bumps along the way....bumps that make it just a bit more interesting and tend to test your patience.   Our day started out by going 90 mph down a dirt road.   Good times.

Let's see, where to begin..... 

We of course, woke up late. (shocking, I know) Running around the house like maniacs.  I can't get my dressed zipped, Kiddo has kidnapped my brush AND my flat iron, hubs is trying to get the food ready and apparently, the dog is sick.  (seriously, that was freaking disgusting) Did I mention it's POURING down rain?  Who's ready for church?!  Ooo ooo, this girl!  Yeah.....

We finally made it out the door and head to church.  I'm still applying my makeup as we pull up to building, it's still pouring and I just stepped in a foot deep puddle.  Meh, at least we made it. 

The service as incredible.  They did a reenactment of the Crucifixion today and it was very......graphic.  Powerful, but graphic.  Kiddo almost puked.  Mel Gibson woulda been proud.

After service, we headed over to mom's house....It's still pouring.

We get there and chow down on some most delicious grub.  Ham, corn, salad, bread, cookies...nomnomnomnom....soooo good.. I'm still full.

Now, normally, we'd have our grand egg hunt after lunch, but it's STILL pouring.  So, we improvise.  We egg hunt in the living room.  It was mass, chaos but seriously HILARIOUS.  I love my family to pieces.  They are just as crazy as I am and well, when you put us together......heh, just look for yourself;)

Oh wait.....did I forget to mention what the Easter bunny brought for kiddo??  I feel like he just pawned off two disowned relatives.....

Oh well......Hope you all had a Happy Easter as well!!!  

Friday, April 22, 2011

Thankful for My Hero....

My goodness....I knew we lived close to tornado alley, but in it????  I was not aware.

Tonight we had our 367th tornado warning of the season and this one hit a bit too close for comfort.  For the first time in a long time, I was scared.....shakin' in my shoes, nervous rambling, hidin' in the shower, scared....Yup, this was the real deal.

Wanna know what made it worse?  My kid wasn't here, she was at her grandparents.  My kid wasn't here and I couldn't protect her.  Worst. Feeling. Ever.

See, every Friday night, is grandparents night.  Now, normally, hubs and I love Friday night.  This Friday, we did not.

I so am blessed to have the MOST amazing dad that was ever created.  My whole life, he's sacrificed EVERYTHING so that us kids could have what we wanted.  He always protected us, cared for us and loved us, no matter how awful we were.  He IS the best father ever....EVER.

Now on to tonight.  Sirens are blaring, wind is howling, hail is pounding and we are terrified.  It's one of the worst storms I've seen in quite awhile.  And my kid is not here.  I can't keep her safe.  I can't protect her......I'm freaking out.

I was FREAKED OUT....that is until, my dad called

He has once again protected his own.  The girls are safe and sound.  He's made sure of it.  He's checking the weather, watching the clouds above and coddling two scared little girls, telling them everything will be fine.

He is my hero.

It doesn't matter that he's sick.....It doesn't matter that he's tired....He doesn't care.  All he cares about is that his two little granddaughters are safe.

Again I say, he's my hero.

So my dear father, I say to you............

You are everything to me.  You will always be the 'man' in my life and I will love you until the end of days.

I heard this song and I thought of you.  Now, not every line applies, but you get the point.   Keb Mo's version is my fav...but I couldn't find it.

Love you pops....

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

American Idol, Here We Come....

As I sit on my computer, I look around and take in the sights around me....I have laundry in the chair next to me, I can't see the top of my coffee table, the dogs just destroyed a beloved stuffed animal and I'm not really sure of the exact location of the kitchen sink.  Do I care?  Meh, not really.  It'll be there tomorrow.

I think I need a hobby.  

I'm kinda bored.....

Anywhoooo......I sat here in all my bored glory, watching Harry Potter with the fam, when I realized how late it was.

"Kiddo, you need to get in the shower babe.  It's almost bedtime"

And of course she responded with "Yes, mother.  I love you so much.  You, are the best mother in the world."  Heh...Yeah right.

Twenty minutes later, she relents and drags her feet to the bathroom.....mumbling along the way.

Now, here's what I don't get, why would one NOT want be clean?  Why does this come as a surprise every night, at the SAME TIME, that she has to bathe?  I have no idea.

Still sitting here, doing nothing, staring and the dishes and hoping they will wash themselves (Hey, I'm watching Harry Potter.  Magic obviously exists, duh.) I hear a faint humming coming from the bathroom.

"Babe, you hear that?"
"Hmm?  Oh, it's the TV."
"Really babe? 'Cause that kinda sounds like 'Row, Row, Row your boat' and I'm pretty sure that's not part of the Harry Potter Soundtrack"

Its gets louder....I of course investigate..............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................and much to my delight, this is what I discover.


Oh yes.....that just happened....and it was glorious...

Now, let me just clarify a few things.....

  1. Yes, she is singing Sir Mix Alot
  2. Yes, she is singing Ke$ha
  3. And yes, the grand finale is Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star
A few more key points I must call attention to....
  1. I need to edit my iPod play list.... Sir Mix Alot? Really, KShy? Hardly age appropriate.
  2. She will in fact, disown me if she EVER finds out I posted this...So, let's keep it between us.
  3. I'm pretty sure I'm back in the running for Mother of the Year.

Thursday, March 31, 2011

The Queen Mother of All Words...

Every language has that one "word".  That dirty birdie word that no man, woman or child should ever speak.  Most consist of four letters (at least in the English language) and nine times outta ten, they will get you some kinda glare.  And no, I'm not going to give a list for reference.

As a parent, I've discovered only ONE word that is above and beyond any other that can be spoken...and it's ugly... It's nasty...It's dripping with venom...the word is.....NO.

I swear to you, I've spoken this word more in the last eleven years of my life than I have the other twenty something...ish.

It's not because I want to... (ok, sometimes it is.  I mean c'mon, I've given birth, I have no less than eleven thousand stretch marks, I feel I've earned the right.  Don't look at me that way, deep down inside, I know you agree).  But it's more so out of necessity.

I'd always said that when I became a mommy, I'd NEVER tell my kid no.  I also said I'd never spank, never do time-outs and never EVER throw out anything that was uber important to my kid because she/he didn't clean their room.  Heh...I believe I lied to myself.

I am now, a firm believer in the that nasty little two letter word.  And in all seriousness, not just to be a jerk...No, no...Because I honestly have to say it to keep my child out of harms way. Don't believe me?  Here, let me give you some examples.

"Mom, can I tie my sheets together like a rope and climb out my window?"

"Mom, can I dye my hair black?"

"Mom, can I drive? I can reach the pedals now!"
"No...and I'm pretty sure that's illegal."

"Mom, can I have a taser? You know, for safety reasons.  I don't want to get kidnapped."
"No...Here, I've programmed 911 into your cell phone."

"Mom, can I use the lighter fluid for a minute?"

"Mom, can I use that razor to shave my legs?"
"Fine, will you shave my legs?"
"Probably not."

I feel like my usage of the word is legit.  I try not to abuse it. (Unless of course, provoked) I like to think of this as training for her.  So she will be prepared for a lifetime of doors being shut in her face and her not getting upset because of it.  See, my theory is this, by the time she actually enters the corporate world, the word 'No' will have no impact on her whatsoever.  So, I'm actually doing her a HUGE favor, right?  Oh yes...I am.

Thank GOODNESS she has me.  I mean, who else would give her this kind of training....FOR FREE.  I just know, that one day, she will really appreciate this.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Make It Happen, Cap'n....

I've finally complied this year's list of "Top 10 Things I MUST Do This Year Regardless".

Yes, I'm aware it's March. What? I'm only 3 months behind. That's a 2 month improvement over last year.

Every year, I always make such super awesome plans and I never seem to accomplish them.  It's not because I don't want to or that I change my mind, it's just that 99% of the time life gets in the way. Kids, work, chores, marriage, taxes, bills....blah blah blah.  You get it.

Well, this year, it's happening.  This list isn't that spectacular to most, but to me, it's freaking awesome.  And since I am posting on the Internet for the whole wide world to see, I have to stick to it.  Right? Right.

So, without further ado, here it is.  The official, KShy, "Top 10 Things I MUST Do This Year Regardless" List of 2011.
1. Flying lessons - hopefully I will be more successful with this than I am driving.  Fingers crossed.

2. Passport Stamped - I'm thinking several times as I venture across the 'ol pond and into Africa.

3. 25lbs - GONE.  No more messing around.  I'm sorry Ben, Jerry...But I'm breaking up with you both.

4. Kitchen Cabinets - I started this project 3 years ago.  Time to wrap it up.

5. 5k - Run one without dying.  I'm kinda scared. I'll be sure to wear my Life Alert just in case.

7. Guitar Lessons- I love music.  I used to play cello.  I wanna learn guitar.  That is all.

8. Photography - Maybe, actually, perhaps I'll learn the use that oh so expensive camera I just HAD to have.

9.  Wake board - Why not? I have a boat so....I should learn, right? Seems logical.


Drum roll please.....

10. Girl Vacation - I just want one little, teeny, tiny girls trip with my besties.  Whether it's shopping in NYC or Road trippin to the beach...I don't care.  I just wanna be a kid for a few days.

Sooooo...that's pretty much it.  Not a super long, interesting blog post but whateves.  I was kinda struggling with a topic so this is what you get.  Next one will be better, I promise.

Now, leave me a comment.  It makes me feel pretty.

Monday, February 28, 2011

Ah, The Beauty of Randomess...

Ever notice that sometimes you have the BEST time if you just don't plan to, ummmm, spend time doing anything in particular?  I went to Houston on a whim this weekend. 

Well, I planned it like 3 weeks ago.  Anything planned and executed in less than 30 days qualifies as a whim. 


There was no agenda, no outline, no schedule.  It was just kinda, whatever happens, happens, ya know?  I couldn't have 'planned' it any better.

Since there was no outline prior to the events, I put one together 'post' events.  Honestly, I don't even think I'm doing it justice with words. So we're gonna go with, "You just had to be there."
  1. Random encounters with complete strangers. (Please be smart when attempting this, there can be some real creepers in the world)
    • I can actually say, I have 'friends' (plural) in Houston now.
    • Apparently we either look like models or work at the Rodeo...Uh, right.
    • I'm pretty sure our first cabbie wanted to marry my friend.  <--that was HYSTERICAL
    • It has come to my attention that I will literally talk to ANYONE.
  2. Sitting outside people watching is better than reality T.V.
    • Very large men do swan dives out of taxis
    • Drunk chicks in red dresses have VERY bizarre behavior...
    • Most albino Umpa Loompas, have ridiculously 'short', short term memories, work in sales and are married to women that want to punch them in the face...
  3.  Driving around downtown Houston with no GPS is always a good idea because...
    • Mardis Gras isn't just for NOLA...
    • The 40 story neon cross will follow you EVERYWHERE.
    • Driving down the metro tracks is NOT a good idea.
    • When two BMWs collide, their bumpers will fall off
  4. Art Class is cool...
    • When taught by an awesome Cuban
    • When your first painting isn't as craptastic as you thought it would be
    • When you discover that the people around you are incredibly talented
    • When you look around and see what beauty is through someone else's eyes.
  5. And because the following does not relate to any other category....
    • People actually caravan across country in horse and buggy and the city actually SHUTS DOWN major highways.  Increadible.
If I can give you any advice at all when planning a trip, it'd be....Don't.  Don't plan it, just go.  Randomly point out someplace on the map and just go for it.  You never know who you'll meet or what you'll see.  It may just be the BEST time of your life;)

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Mom Fail #847....

Ok, so I may be one of those people that crack out on their phones....I may be one of those people who obsessively post on facebook and I may be one of those people who's laptop is constantly glued to, well, their lap...maybe.

I promised the fam I'd do better with this. I'm setting 'hard limits' for my techno time.  I was doing sooooo well....until last night.

I was obviously really into whatever I was doing online and totally blew off my kid.  I know, I know, mom fail.  Let me finish the story before you stone me. I completely zoned out and lost track of time.  When I finally realized what I had done, kiddo had gone to bed VERY angry with me and left me this as a reminder of how craptastic of a mother I can be....

1. Let me just say that blogger is being a pain and won't load my picture correctly.
2. Yes, that is Kennedy and her "awesome" dad in a loving embrace.
3. That other thing? Well, that's me, sitting in my chair, with my laptop....and a bulging right eye.  Where did that come from?  Does my eye really look like that?  Yup, I'm completely oblivious to my surroundings.

Anyway, once again, thanks to my epic failness as a parent, I'm in the doghouse.  I will be spending the entire evening with Mrs. Whittles, Barbie, Minnie Mouse and Kennedy as we participate in a lovely tea party.  I really hope there's cookies...or crumpets...

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Because Sometimes, Words Are Not Enough....

I wish I could say I was clever enough to think of this....but I'm not.  I stole it fair and square.  I don't even know who to give the credit to, so....


 I think this accurately depicts how most of us parents are feeling as of late....

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Even the Best Laid Plans....

Ah, Sunday afternoon naps, there really isn't anything better.  At least, not in my book.  I love binge eating then slipping into a carb coma for at least two hours.  Best. Feeling. Ever.

Today was my day.  It had been a few weeks since my last 'sleep all day Sunday' and I was long overdue.  I had a plan:
1. Get up
2. Drink excessive amounts of coffee
3. Go to church
4. Over eat a local buffet
5. Come home
6. Put on stretchy pants
7. Pass out

Simple, yet to the point.  By 2pm, I had made it to step number seven.  I was ecstatic.  I put on my comfy cozy jams, locked my door, turned on my noise maker (thunderstorm setting of course) and crawled into my yummy bed made of flannel and down.  HEAVEN.   

Twenty minutes later.....

I'm in that 'not really awake but not really asleep enough to dream' and I hear....


If I avoid it, it will go away......


I will not kill the only child....ONLY CHILD....I do not have a replacement....

"MOM!!!  Can you open this door??  I have to potty!  Can you use your bathroom?? Mom??? MOM!!" "Mom," *jiggles door knob* "why is the door locked???  Are you in there?"

I'm sorry, nobody is here at the moment, please leave a message at the beep and we'll get back to you just a soon as possible.   BEEEEEEEEEP.

I stumble out of bed and open the door.  "Child, you have your own bathroom, why are you not using it?"

"Because I really had to go! I might not have made it to mine in time!"

"You do realize that in the time you spent banging on my door and screeching at me to let you in, you could have made to your bathroom and back by now, right?"



30 minutes later......

Mmmm, back in dream land.  I refuse to give up on my goal of the day....Sleep.

Why is the bed shaking??  OMG! EARTHQUAKE!  

Oh wait, never mind...It's my husband...shaking my shoulders....I think he's trying to communicate with me.  

"Hey baby, whatcha doin'?"

I'm obviously painting a mural on the wall.  

You know what, no.  I'm not even going to respond with words.  I'm going to respond with a series of dirty looks and eyebrow raises.  He seems to be getting the idea and is backing away slowly.  Well done my friend, well done.

Seriously, not 15 minutes later......

*Loud noises, loud noises loud noises....*

I don't even want to know.  

Hey look, there's a small child standing next to my bed...It's jumping up and down and waving it's arms sporadically....I make eye contact with it...I'm talking, I think?.  I'm not sure I'm actually speaking English.  Maybe speaking in tongues?  I have no idea.  It ran away in fear.  

*Kanye shrugs* I'll pay for an extra year of therapy.

About 2 hours after I set off to take my lovely, Sunday afternoon stroll through dreamland, I finally arrived at my destination.  Dare I ask, is it like this for all mothers?  It took me years to realize that I would never again be able to just do 'what I want, when I want'.  As much as it makes me insane, I could never give it up.  As much as I grumble and complain about it, I could never imagine my life without it.  Besides, if it didn't exist, I'd have nothing to blog about;)

Friday, February 4, 2011

SNOW MORE...Seriously.

I'm DONE with this weather.  It's all fun and games until mama gets snowed in for too many days.  I can't handle this.  Actually, I'm pretty sure between the excessive junk food consumption and the continuous movie marathons, I've gained 12lbs and turned the majority of my brain to mush.  The ability to form complete sentences is getting more and more difficult.  In fact, I actually stopped talking mid conversation today because I couldn't think of anything else to say.  I just stood there, mouth gaped open, not speaking.  I did manage to blink though.  At least my eyes didn't dry out.

We started the week with the over exploited Snowmageddon 2011.  Yeah, we got snow, school was cancelled, kids had fun, hoorah hoorah and yaddah yaddah..  All in all, it really wasn't that bad.  Most of us town folk had expected it to start clearing by this weekend, until today that is...   Weather man said 30% chance of snow, nothing more than a dusting to an inch.  He lied.  He stood there, in front of his green screen, talking all smooth like, doing that lazy crooked grin thing and it was a lie.  I should have caught on when he started to do his 'I really have no idea what's going to happen so I'll just tell them what I think they wanna hear' lie dance. I swear he did that 'shifty eye' thing too.  I blame myself for not recognizing the signs.

Does this look like an inch to you???  No? Yeah, not to me either.
Or what about this??  Hmmmm....Close, but not quite.
And I really don't recall 'Flurries' ever looking like this.....
I need this to stop, immediately.  I need Mother Nature and Jack Frost to please stop getting busy because they really are making a mess.  A HUGE mess.   An 'I have two, 90lb dogs, one poodle,  a cat, a kid and a husband that have been confined to 2700 square feet for 5 days straight' mess.  That equals one mom that wants to do a swan dive off the roof.  *points at self*  Yes, I'm referring to me....

I'm running dangerously low on chocolate, cheezits, wine, patience, mental stability and toilet paper.  Somebody PLEASE, send help!  This really could end badly for all those involved.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Snow Much Fun....

Another snow day.  This time, it was so bad, they actually closed my office for the day.  Hubs and I didn't even have to fight about who was gonna stay home.  Meh, that kinda sucked the fun outta it.

I stay home so rarely, I often forget what all it entails.  Did you know kids expect breakfast?  And lunch? AND snack time??? I had no idea.  It appears I've reallied too heavily on the public school systems.
Ehhhh, my bad?

I've also noticed that my house is completely disgusting.  It's amazing how much more dirt you can see when it's still daylight outside.  The light coming in from the back door actually illuminated the funk that was on my floor.  It made me gag.  Seriously, there was gag-age. For those of you that have had the unfortunate experience of dropping by, ohmygosh I am MORTIFIED.  Please, feel free to hire me a housekeeper.

I also forgot how much fun it could be and how much I can actually get accomplished!  We managed to clean the house, take down the Christmas tree and decorations (yes I know it's almost Valentines day..but hey, at least I got it down before Easter.  That's a two month improvement over last year!), go sledding, drink hot chocolate and make snow cream.  Just call me Martha.

Wanna know the best part?  My kid told me she loved spending time with me.  She said today reminded her of when she was 'little'. *tear*sniff*tear*  Is it wrong I hope tomorrow's weather is just a retched?  I seriously want a repeat.

Anyway, here's a little picture montage of how we spent day one of Snowmageddon '11.